how long Lord?

I was just reading up on the word patience today.  In Greek, the word for patience is makrothumia or, literally, "long suffering."  I would like to think of myself as a patient, laid back person, but lately I've been realizing how impatient and hurried I am.  I struggle back and forth with myself probably on a daily basis with thoughts like, "how long will it take me to get over this? or, I can't wait for this to be over! or, just tell me what to do and I will do/fix it!"   King David in his suffering often starts out a Psalm with "how long, Lord?" but always ends with, "...but I will place my trust in you."  For me, I ask the question with a different motive: more out of a desire to control and my lack of faith.

I think it's innate in our culture and especially in me to try my hardest to reduce suffering and discomfort.  I used to interpret when people would call me a "peace maker" as a compliment. Now, knowing my own heart a little better,  I see it more as someone who is afraid.  I feel so far from being able to accept suffering (or even inconvenience for that matter) as good and accept that it might be long or even unending.  A blog writer wrote: "patience may even involve suffering something in my life that may never change."

So in order to continue down this narrow road--and I am committed to going down it--I must look to the One who has given me the perfect model in Jesus who endured and embraced suffering, waiting on the Father and daily trusting in His will.  In my marriage, with the kids, friendships and myself, the only way for me to become a patient person is to keep confessing my weakness and struggle and pursuing hard after God.

I was encouraged by this verse.  In Colossians Apostle Paul prayed that the believers would be "strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,  joyfully giving thanks to the Father..." (Col 1:11)